Difficult news

The mom of one of Samantha’s friends from PHS died unexpectedly Tuesday night. She was fine on Saturday, developed flu like symptoms on Sunday, and never made it home from the ER. This was the same mom who practically dragged me to my first triathlon and cheered me on waaaaay after she finished. Stacy was one of the nicest, healthiest people I have ever met, which makes her death even more puzzling.

I have really been struggling with her death, maybe because I am also a mom and cannot imagine my kiddos growing up without me, maybe because of Samantha and Lille’s friendship, maybe because we never know what tomorrow will bring.

I have been talking to some moms with girls Samantha’s age about attending the visitation and funeral. Rahul and I have also been talking about it. This would be Samantha’s first funeral and we worry that it will be too much for her. After all, it has been hard for me as a grown up to process.

Obviously we did not tell Samantha about Lille’s mom’s death yesterday since it was her birthday. I was prepared to talk to her about it after school today. When I started the conversation, she told me that she already knew the terrible news. She and a friend had talked about it at school and both plan on going to the funeral. I explained that she did not have to, her response “I need to be there for Lille.”

More discussions with moms at swim team practice tonight, which really helped me. One mom said in thinking about what was the “right” thing” to do…when really there is no “right” way to deal with something so very wrong….she asked what she would want her daughter’s friends to do if she died. As we both teared up, I knew like she did, that I would want Samantha’s friends to be there to support her if I died.

So, as Rahul heads out of town for a conference, I will take Aidan to a friend’s house so he can go to his soccer game and Samantha and I plan to head to Stacy’s funeral. Like one of the wise moms said to me tonight….she already knows that Lille’s mom died, so the funeral will not make that a new thing. Hopefully celebrating her life will help us all, especially Lille and her sister, move forward.



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2 responses to “Difficult news

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss, this is so tragic!

  2. Kristan, there are no words. I am thinking about, you, Samantha, and especially your friend’s family.

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