Last year at this time was a challenging time for me. In the course of one week, my brother and I had to do an intervention at my mom’s house (going to the ER on a Friday saved her life by 3 days….her treating physician said that with her oxygen levels as low as they were without treatment she would have been dead by Sunday). And within a few days after that a friend died from complications from the flu. Super healthy single parent who wanted nothing more than to live her life with her 2 girls. I really struggled to understand how God would want her to die and let my mom continue to live and be so unhappy and not want to get better. I tried my best last Mother’s Day to be present for my children, as I will do this year. I feel that is all that I can do. Changing adult behavior is extremely difficult, even when the adult wants to change her behavior. I have been thinking about this more as we approach the next Mother’s Day.
This year I have also been thinking more about where I have ended up professionally, possibly because of my experiences as a child and young adult. As I watch Samantha become a confident young woman, one that knows she can talk to me about anything and that she can accomplish anything she wants, I wish that I had that as a child. I think one of the reasons I love to write as an adult is because it is the only way I feel comfortable expressing myself. I have very few memories talking to my parents about things that were difficult for me, and the memories I have trying to do this did not end well. Maybe this is why I am out there doing what I am doing….teaching young girls, including my own, how to talk and come up with solutions to problems. Maybe my experiences make me more in tune with the girls that have a hard time expressing their feelings.
Whatever the reason, I will continue to be present for my family, listen to my children and encourage them to come to me when they need to talk. For me, this is how I can make things right. So my promise to myself as we head into Mother’s Day weekend…. focus on what I have instead of what I have lost. Forward, not back.