This is always a stressful time of year at our house. We owe taxes for 2015…. and our first estimate for 2016, school tuition starts again in June, time to plan summer vacations… I could keep going.
This is the time of year when my worries get bigger. The “what ifs” start entering my mind, and I can create complex scenarios that would never actually happen.
I am actually writing a children’s book about this very issue – Sage and Her Worries.
Before I turned 40, I would run when my worries started getting too big. Pounding the pavement was a physical release that helped me reset. But running is no longer an option for me.
I can practice breathing like Sage does, but I also need to learn to just be still. Don’t laugh, this is something that I have never quite mastered. Even settling in with my own kids in the lower school was a challenge (you sit and reflect on the coming day for 5 mins at the start of each school day… 5 mins is a LONG TIME). I would find myself watching the fidgety kids, the one picking his nose… you get the picture.
I have had 2 friends recently recommend some mindfulness activities, and I think I am going to give them a try. I am sure I will be like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love when she tried it the first time. She was focused on how many mosquitos were biting her… haha. But if Elizabeth learned how, then so can I, right?
This morning over coffee I asked myself why I worry this time of year. We are more than financially stable and have survived 2 years of 2 kids in private school, so why is money such a source of worry for me?
Money was a BIG issue growing up as a child. My mom would get manic and charge thousands of dollars on various credit cards kept hidden from my dad. The bills would eventually come, which meant fighting. Repeat every 4-6 mos. Then my dad lost all of our college savings in a business deal gone bad when I was in high school. Thankfully a rich, distant grandparent paid for me to go. I think it was the uncertainty, the not knowing, oh and my predisposition to being a worrier that made this hard for me.
But, I need to let the past be just that….the past. I do all the money management in our house…if anything, I am the one in the family with financial control, unlike in my childhood.
So, wish me luck on my quest to learn to be mindful. Maybe not being able to run was a part of the plan all along? Running didn’t help me learn the “why” behind my worries. I would just run until the worries went away.
After I test out some methods, I will post again to give some reviews. I might start off inside though so the bugs and birds do not distract me 🙂